The month of December brings good cheer, spirited family gatherings and well, reflection.

As the year draws to a close reflection seems to be an unavoidable practice.  We begin to examine our lives, review whether we accomplished the goals spoken about last December, and changed in the ways we said we would.

We imagine this December will be the same, but it should be treated differently.  The incidents of 2020 were unprecedented.  The entire world was forced to come to a standstill for months on end, and we’re all still slowly trying to recover.   This standstill would have had personal implications for us, as many people would have had to postpone plans or may even have to forgo them altogether.

According to a Harvard Business Review article, as humans, we crave progression; it’s a critical characteristic of our being.  However, this year would have seen very little development for many.  Whatever your situation, it’s easy to feel somewhat defeated as you review 2020.  Possibly, you were unable to buy the home of which you’ve spent long hours dreaming, take that trip you planned or changed career or jobs as you had hoped. 

These upsets are real and understandable.  Still, if you’re reading this on your device, powered by Wi-Fi, and in the comfort of your home or at work, then those are enough reasons not to feel defeated.  However, we’ll go a bit further, and be prepared it may require you to equip yourself with several journals.

Here’re our practical tips with applications to help you overcome any feelings of defeat.

Be grateful.  We imagine you’ve heard this a lot this year, but it still needs to be said.  Our minds seem to cling tenaciously to adverse situations and thoughts.  In Psychology Today, Hara Estroff Marano referred to studies done by John Cacioppo, PhD, which proved our brains are sensitive to what’s unpleasant.  With such a propensity to be stimulated by negativity, we need the gratitude reminders. 

Stop and examine the facets of your life for which you can be thankful.  Globally, a substantial number of people either became ill or died; jobs and homes were lost too.  If we experienced one or even more of those occurrences, we might be filled with despair.  However, an examination past the pain of those situations may reveal something of which we can be grateful. 

Practical application: Begin with jotting down the things for which you feel grateful.  Yes, the ever-talked about a gratitude journal, but with a twist.  For every five items noted, jot down someone you can extend an act of kindness to, noting the action to be taken. 

Self-validate.  Not only are our minds prone to linger on the negative, but generally we are harsher with ourselves than we are with others.  Often we can focus on external relationships, on building them up and showing love and care.  However, we may need that, and from ourselves.

Self-validation requires us to identify our thoughts and feelings, seeking to understand our minds.  It doesn’t mean we are justified in all of our thoughts. However, the goal is to unearth the root of what we’re feeling or thinking and calmly work our way through them.

Practical application: Why not assign a day of the week as personal time.  Make it a fun affair, begin with a fun name: Monday Mood Review or Friday Face Time.  Use it as a time to review your internal experiences and dialogue over the week.  Try observing, reflecting and describing thoughts and feelings, but remember to keep it factual, no guesses or assumptions. 

Big or small acknowledge your wins.  Many of us go from one battle to another, one challenge into another without taking the time to enjoy our accomplishments.  Alternatively, we may regulate celebration; only ‘big’ wins are reasons to be celebratory.  But how are we defining big wins?  Is our definition based on society’s estimation or the level of effort it took for us to be victorious?

Usually, when those around us accomplish something noteworthy, we’re eager to express our pleasure, admiration, and if applicable, gratitude.  And, we know by experience that being on the receiving end of such affirmation boosts our spirits if not confidence.  Then why not be our cheerleaders and celebrants? 

Practical application: Whether you’ve closed a deal, maintained a weekly workout goal, or spoke kindly to someone when they might not have deserved it; all are reasons to celebrate progress.  You are privy to the battle, be it physical or psychological, that you underwent to come out victorious.  Pausing to acknowledge and celebrate will help spur you to seek repeated ‘wins’.

Arrest your thoughts.  Don’t scuff.  What we’re suggesting has little to do with handcuffs but does involve some policing.   At any given moment, stop and pay attention to your thoughts.  Do a quick examination to see their trajectory.  If it was along a path less desired, change the course.  We warn; it’s not as easy as it sounds.

The fact is we act upon our emotions, and our feelings are fuelled by our thinking.  Usually, if we were to replay a quarrel, our part in the conflict may correlate or stem from a pattern of thinking we’ve been nursing.  Similarly, feelings of defeat may be rooted in unhappy thoughts.  

However, American philosopher and psychologist, William James tells us that “the greatest revolution of our generation is the discovery that human beings by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives.”

Practical application: Surround yourself with words that uplift, inspire and motivate.  Quotes like the one above can help reroute your thinking.  Keep them on index cards or Post-It Notes™ on your desk at work or in strategic places at home.  Learn and recite them when having a brutal bout of pessimism.

As we look forward to the year 2021, let’s do so with optimism and flexibility, because we have learned this year that anything is possible.  Nevertheless, despite there being uncertainty, if we take care of ourselves, we can advance towards tomorrow with a sound and hopeful outlook.

Do you feel inspired to begin goal-planning for 2021?  First, let’s begin early, below is an article that may help.

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Sources: Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today and Thrive Global